For His Glory: Hope's Faith Journey- Part 3

Hi friends! I hope you are all doing well and had a wonderful 4th of July last week. This week we dive back into Hope’s faith journey. I love her transparency and how she previously shared her opposition to God. Today we dive deeper as she speaks about how God continued to pursue her. Enjoy!

Months went by from the day I thought my sister was going to die. Although she recovered from her illness, something unexpected happened. The internal fire to know Jesus became so intense that it consumed me. When I passed by the church, I wanted to go in and say, “Hey, I want to know about Jesus. I want to become a Christian.” I continued to fight it. I just could not do it.

One day, I woke up and felt a strong desire to go to church. I tried to push it aside but I could not control it anymore. It was too intense. I told my mom I was going to see my sister and I left the house.

My sister was neighbors with our friend David. His father was the pastor of a church nearby. When I got to her place, I asked if she had seen David. She saw him leave and didn’t know when he would be back. I walked over to his home and asked his family if they knew where he was. Again, I was told that he went to town and they didn’t know when he would return. I felt like time was ticking. I had to see David. I could not take it anymore.

I did not even greet David when he finally came home. Instead, I immediately told him, “Hey David, I want to know Jesus. I want to become a Christian.” He gave me a confused look and then started laughing in my face. He said, “You’re kidding.” I had been so against God that David thought I was pranking him or something. When I became angry with him, he realized I was serious.

David took me to talk with his stepmother, who was also a pastor. He explained what was happening when we arrived. She was so happy. David’s stepmom brought out her Bible and began explaining things as she flipped through scriptures. I promise you that I don’t remember what she said. My mind was set on my response when she said the words to make me a Christian.

It felt like a bomb was ticking and I was running out of time. Finally, she said, “So, you understand what it means to be a Christian? You understand that Jesus died for you?” I agreed and she led me through a prayer of salvation. After saying those words, I felt a heavy weight lifted off me. That was something new. It kind of scared me a little bit, but it also felt really good. I was the happiest I had ever been. I skipped all the way home.

Although I was reading my Bible, I wasn’t really feeling God’s presence. Then one day I had a profound life changing moment. I was at home in a dreamlike state, but I was not sleeping. Suddenly, I had a vision. I was standing alone in this field. It was really green and otherwise empty. I was crying and I hated myself. I had thoughts of killing myself and was really, really sad. I heard, but could not see, people singing worship songs. It felt so peaceful and calming.

As the vision continued, someone called me by my name. I turned around toward this voice and I saw this man in white. I immediately knew it was Jesus standing there. The sun was shining so brightly behind Him that I could not see His face, though I saw the rest of Him.

Jesus told me that He loved me and that I was not alone. He said that He had always been there. I asked Him, “If you’ve always been there, how come I’ve never seen you? Why have I gone through these things?” He replied, “You’ve gone through it all. I saw it all and I loved you through it.” As we walked around the field He continued and said, “I need you to know I am always going to be here with you. Nothing you can do can make me love you any less. I’ll hold your hand, and I’ll never let go.”

Nobody had ever told me those kinds of words before. When I heard them, I asked Him why? Why would He do that when I had said bad things about Him and I didn’t love Him before. Why did He love me? He held me and wiped my tears away. He told me, “I’m going to use you to do a lot of things. I am going to give you joy and love.”

I came out of the vision feeling so happy. I was grinning stupidly for the rest of the day, the week and the month. It helped me realize that He was not punishing me when I went through hard times. I held on to the fact that He will never let go. I felt like I belonged somewhere. I was so relieved that God loved me and did not hate me no matter what I had said in the past.

That was an encounter that I am so thankful for. It has kept me strong through my faith journey. Jesus also told me to believe Him and let Him in. That’s all I had to do. Just let Him in and let Him do His thing. Honestly, that has been challenging for me sometimes because I like to fix things when something is not going well. In those moments, I remind myself again to be still, believe in Him and let Him in.

When I told people about the vision, they thought I was crazy. However, I knew what I had seen. I wouldn’t let anybody talk me out of it. That was how my journey with God truly started. Now even in times when I feel everything is going wrong and God feels far away, I go back and cling to the promises that He gave me in that vision. It was so profound. It changed everything for me.

Although I loved God, I knew it was going to be challenging to tell my mom that I had become Christian. She was against them. A lot of Ugandan people think Christians are crazy. They believe that they have nothing to do but spend a lot of time bothering people and telling them about Jesus. They think they are just shouting and screaming all the time.

When I was younger, my mom had a bad experience with a Christian church that we went to. The pastor of that church took money from my mom and lied about what he was going to do with it. He never did the project he was supposed to do. The pastor basically stole her money. I think that was another part of why my mom hated Christians.

I knew it was going to be hard to eventually tell her that I was now Christian. It would be like telling your mother that you’re pregnant when you’re a teenager. So, I decided that I wasn’t going to tell her. I had to make a plan to go to church without her finding out.

Since my mom was okay with the Catholic church, I lied and told her I was going to second mass. Secretly, I went to a Christian church instead. I left at 10AM but the problem was that Catholic church service ended hours before the Christian church. So, even though I wanted to wait for everything to finish at church, I sometimes left before the service ended. I felt guilty because I did not wait for the Word, but I was just trying to juggle it all.

One day I was asked to be a part of worship and was late to head home. My sister, who knew that I was secretly going to church, was calling me. She said, “You’re dead. Mom is looking for you. Where are you?” I started to come up with excuses for why I was late; however, when I saw my mom, I blurted out the truth. I thought she was going to kill me or something. Instead, she said, “Oh, so you’re crazy now too?” That was it. I was so surprised. After that I was able to start to go to church freely.

To be continued.