For His Glory: Hope's Faith Journey- Part 4

Hi friends! On today’s Draw Near to Me post we have the final part of Hope’s faith journey. It has been such an honor and privilege to share part of her story. For me, she is inspiring. Hope exudes the love of Jesus with a kindness and warmth that is truly felt by those around her. If you have ever witnessed her evangelize, you see how she speaks boldly and confidently about who God is. Hearing her story and all that she has gone through really demonstrates how God uses everything, even the hurt, to bring something new and beautiful to life. Hope is radiant and has emerged from hardships and challenges in a way that shines clearly and glorifies God in the best of ways. Thank you Hope for being so brave to share part of your faith journey. You are incredible. If you enjoy this post, please share it with others. Additionally, if you are willing to share part of your story, please email me at info@drawneartome.com and let me know. With that, we dive into the final part of Hope’s story. Enjoy!

Life did not become perfect once I was a Christian. I was in college studying to become a vet and it did not go well. My sponsorship had ended and my social worker was trying to sexually abuse me. I tried to report it and no one believed me. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I stopped going to school.

Even though I loved Jesus, my circumstances pushed me back into a deep depression and self-harm. I began cutting myself again. My mom was no longer fine with the fact that I was going to church. At first she became really distant. Then she started hating me. I did not know why. As a result, I did not talk to my mom about what was happening in my life. My situation went from bad to worse. I wanted to die again.

Every day I prayed, “God, you said that you loved me. You said that you would do anything I asked you to do, so just kill me. This is what I want.” I did not see a reason to be here anymore, but over and over God showed himself.

One day I had enough of my situation. I told God, “Okay, if you won’t kill me, I will do it myself.” I went to this busy highway and stood there waiting for a car to come speeding down the road. I planned to jump in front of it before it could stop. I was ready to do it. Then something crazy happened.

While I was standing there, I suddenly had this overwhelming sensation of somebody hugging me. It was as if I was being pulled to God’s chest. I can relate it to how someone holds a baby close to calm and comfort them. I felt a father’s love. It was so strange and weird. I began crying.

Though God didn’t say anything at all, He was filled with so much love, comfort and understanding. It lasted only a few seconds and that was it. There was no audible voice, but it changed everything. I realized He still loved me and cared about me. He wanted me here. After that, I knew God even more as a Father. I no longer think of suicide.

Life did not suddenly become easier. I was living with my mom and brother again and things were not going well. They became verbally, emotionally and physically abusive. My brother pulled my hair, punched me, or slapped me for any reason. My mom stood by and allowed it. She kept telling me that I was stupid and brainwashed for going to church. I did not understand what was happening, but I took it.

One day my mom and brother decided to move. I came home to the place we were renting and saw they had packed up all their stuff. I asked them what was going on. They told me, “We are moving out.” I said, “I didn’t know we were moving out.” They responded, “No, you are not moving. We are moving.” That evening they got a car and left. I was alone with only my clothes and a bed.

I did not know what to do. I had no job and no money to pay the rent. I kept what happened a secret. I continued going to church as if nothing had changed, but my pastor found out. He helped me get my first job teaching that helped me pay my rent. My pastor was really kind and asked me to let him know when I needed something. I often told him that I was fine regardless of whether it was true. It was the grace of God that helped me through.

I was 19 and living alone. My relationship with my mom was initially nonexistent. Gradually we began to speak to each other a little bit. After about 9 months of working at my job, my mom called me and told me that she was sick. She told me to quit my job to take care of her. As it turned out, my mom was fine. Once we spent all the money I had saved up, she became mean again and my brother returned to being abusive. This time it was much, much worse.

I tried looking for a job but could not find one. My mom was trying to force me to get married to anybody. I was not allowed to pray in the house, read my Bible, or go to church. I didn’t have a job or money, so I created a plan to live in the church while I looked for a job. I did not know how I was going to hide that from my pastor, but I could not take the abusive words and being punched anymore.

I began praying and asking God to make a way for me. I remember talking to my twin sister, who lived close by with her husband and baby. I told her that I did not know where I was going to go, but I was leaving. She invited me to come and live with them. My sister said that once I got a job I could start contributing to the rent. I initially refused until she told me it made her feel better if I came. So, I moved to my sister’s place.

While I was living with my sister, I was finally able to find a job. I started to become fully independent again. After a year I moved away and found another place. During that time, I slowly began talking to my mom through my sister.

I still loved my mom even though I did not like her actions. I started praying for God to give me a heart to have a relationship with her. I began visiting my mom for a couple of hours at a time. We didn’t have a lot to talk about and mostly spoke about the basics. I continued praying to God to give me the grace to forgive my mom and just love her. Finally, I forgave her even though our relationship was still not good.

Eventually my mom and I began to rebuild our relationship. Through a series of circumstances, she ended up living with me during the COVID lockdown. It was so bad at first. When I came home from work, we ran out of things to say to each other. I went to my bedroom and she stayed in the living room and watched tv. It was so hard.

Finally, we hit a point where we had to actively try to repair our relationship. We had tough conversations about those childhood moments when I was rejected. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. We often got emotional after a few minutes and had to stop talking. The next day we tried again. It wasn’t easy but we just kept trying. Although my mom did not like it, she was willing to keep going once I explained to her that I really needed to understand her perspective and reasons.

Through those conversations I learned a lot about the fears she had and how she thought she was protecting me. Mom truly thought I needed to be shielded from the madness of being a born again Christian. When I kept going to church, she became angry. My mom felt I was disobeying her from something she was trying to protect me from. Her attempt to force me to get married was her way of pulling me away from Christianity. She had hoped that if I had a man to take care of me that it would stop “this nonsense.”

It took a while for our relationship to heal. I’m not going to lie and say that we talked for two days and everything was fine. We had days when I didn’t know how to talk to her when I came home. She didn’t really know how to process my feelings. It was still hard, but we were talking. I even started sharing the gospel with her and she listened. She still is not Christian, but she still asks questions.

Over the years I have seen the Lord over and over. Once I became Christian life did not magically become good and full of butterflies. No, it was not. It was a challenge and then more challenges. Yet, I saw God and I saw His hand as He moved in my life in so many different ways.

I have seen God prove Himself over and over again. After becoming the first Christian in my family, I had opportunities to preach and share scriptures with my older sister, the one who used to be sick. My older sister used to hate that I was Christian. She told me that I was not allowed to say the name of Jesus in her house. Then one day I gave her a Bible. A couple of weeks later she began reading it and discovering God for herself. She even asked me questions. Now that sister is a Sunday school teacher in this region. She serves as a youth pastor at church and is such a powerful woman of God.

My twin sister also became Christian. She told me that I inspired her to become a Christian. She wanted to find this God that I had because she saw how He repeatedly got me through things. She witnessed how I did not give up on life even though I went through the hardest of times. In response, my twin said, “I want this God.” Even my little brother is Christian now. It is amazing how people that clearly hated Jesus now love Him. I understand that because I hated Him at one point and now love Him as well, so we are the same. It is just so amazing how God does things.

Becoming a Christian does not mean your life is going to be all butterflies and sunshine. It is not going to automatically be easier. If we have been going through poverty, it does not mean we will suddenly become rich. We will go through challenges over and over again, but the best part is we are not going through these things alone. We do not suffer alone. We have a comforter all the time.

God is going to walk alongside of us through everything. He’s going to give us peace, hope and love. He is going to give us the strength to go through things and the grace to get through the things that we think we cannot go through. God does not forsake us.

I have seen God run after me even in times where I was avoiding Him or even ran away from Him. I’ve repeatedly seen His love and grace. It’s overwhelming because we know we don’t deserve it, but we get it. Of all people, I felt the least qualified to get that love, that grace and that mercy. I have asked God questions like, “Why did you not leave me? Why did you not get fed up and say I’m done with you? I know I tried my best to turn from you.” Yet God has been so good to me. He loves me anyway.

When I look back, I realize that if I didn’t go through all the things I’ve experienced, I wouldn’t be who I am. When I think about that, I honestly wouldn’t change it for anything. My story, my challenges, my everything has shaped me to be the kind of person that I am today.

Sometimes I thank God for all those scars because if not for those who or where would I be? Maybe I would be boring or mean. Perhaps I would not be able to understand or relate to what people feel and what they have gone through. I thank God that He allowed me to go through those things, as horrible as they were, because now I am honored that it is all being used for His glory.

Thank you Hope for sharing your incredible story. You are resilient and amazing. God certainly does use you to bring glory. If you enjoyed this post, please consider sharing it with others by hitting the share button. Thank you!