Hi friends! On today’s episode of Draw Near to Me, we will begin Anthony’s faith journey. For those who prefer to read, today’s content is also posted below. I met Anthony through my husband, Jeff. While on one of the Element 26 men’s retreats, Jeff had asked him if he would be willing to share his story. Anthony was courageous enough to agree. I had the great pleasure of talking to Anthony for the first time and learning part of his story on the day I interviewed him. You could immediately tell he was very kind, enthusiastic, and has such a heart for other people. I loved the part of his story that he felt called to share. I hope you all will as well. Since this is a man’s testimony Jeff will narrate for us. If you enjoy this post, please share it with others using the share button below and consider doing a free or paid subscription. With that, let’s dive into Anthony’s story. Enjoy!
I was born in New York, but our family eventually moved down to Florida. We used to vacation there at least once a year. My parents finally got tired of shoveling snow and living in the cold, so in 1995 we headed south. Although I had a big family with seven siblings, I did not spend a whole lot of time with many of the older ones. As I was growing up, many of them had already moved out of the house.
Mom was really the glue that kept everything together. My entire life, she was always the one that was there for me. My mom was a really strong, faith-based woman. Everything she did was built around serving and honoring God. As a result, I kind of grew up in church. There I was exposed to youth ministries that were pivotal in my spiritual growth.
In contrast, my dad was someone I could call on for help, but that was about it. For me, there was no closeness or friendship there. Sometimes it felt like we had more of a transactional relationship. That was another reason why I was so close with my mom.
When I was a teenager, mom was diagnosed with cancer. She battled it for a long time, yet I don’t think her faith ever wavered a bit. It is possible that it did in the quiet times, but she definitely didn’t let us believe that. My mom taught me the foundations of giving and loving people. Even with cancer, that never changed.
Around my early 20s, during the time when I was in the police academy, my mom’s health took a turn for the worse. Eventually there was a point where her body could no longer function. She lost all her abilities and was placed in hospice; however, from what I could tell, even in her last days she was still strong in her spirit and her faith.
Our family went to visit her on Mother’s Day. For the most part, she was pretty much not there. The nurse told us that our mom was somewhat of a shell at that point, and there was nothing left other than her spirit. She told my dad, “Hey, somebody should let her know that it’s okay to go.” Mom’s spirit was holding on because that was who she was. She was a fighter.
Dad went into mom’s room and chatted with her. He let her know that we were there for her, and that we knew that she was staying here for us. He told her, “It’s okay, you can let go.” When he came out of the room, the nurse went in to check on her. Up to that point, mom’s eyes had not been open. When the nurse came out a moment later, she said that her eyes opened. Suddenly, mom started glancing around the room as if she was tracking something. It was almost as if she was following a light, an angel, or something that was not physically visible in the room. Then she was gone.
My mother was the person who brought us all together. Once she passed, it felt like I lost everything. I even kind of lost my dad in some ways. He was around because of my mom. She was the one who kept everything moving along. Our family all kind of went our separate ways. Everybody fended for themselves.
I was in a difficult place in my life at that time. I was still trying to figure out what I wanted to do and had just started a career in law enforcement. I was married but I didn’t really know where to turn or what to do after mom passed away. My wife and I talked about what to do next. We decided to get out of Florida and start our life over together.
After we moved, my wife and I tried to make ends meet and work some things out. I began navigating a new career and went back to school to get my bachelor’s degree. In the end, the fresh start was far from what I expected. My wife left me, and I was not in a good place. I had lost my mom, given up on my career in Florida, moved across the country to an unfamiliar place, and felt like I had nobody. I did not understand what was happening. To some degree I may have felt a little resentful. I thought, “God, I did all the right things.” Yet I was in a position where I felt like I had nothing left.
I was going to church during that time, but it made my situation 100% worse. Some people there criticized me about my wife’s decision to get divorced. What was I supposed to do? I had already offered to do whatever it took to make it work with my wife, from counseling to even moving back to Florida. I felt as though people were rebuking me by telling me divorce was not God’s design or plan, but again, what option did I have? I had no say in the matter, it was my wife’s choice to leave.
I thought I would find hope, help, and strength in that church, but instead it was like pouring salt into the wound. During that season, everybody knew what I was going through. I remember reaching out to one of the pastors for help, but he did not answer the phone or call me back. A couple of days later I did receive a call from the church; however, it was not to acknowledge what I was going through. Instead, they asked me if I was willing to volunteer with the band a couple extra services that month. I felt burned by the church, but at the same time I didn’t think that was God’s heart. I felt like that was human error, but regardless it was very hurtful.
I was in a dark place. Although I never had the set intention to take my life, I was also okay if it ended. I remember sitting in my car on the top of a cliff one day. I thought, “I can just put it in neutral, roll off, and see what happens.” I was completely fine with that notion.
Before I did anything, God placed my dog on my mind. It sounds silly, but He reminded me that I had to go home, feed my dog, and take care of him. My dog loved me, and I was responsible for him. For a long time, I used to joke and tell my dog that he saved my life. The fact was that knowing I had something in my life that loved me was so important at that moment.
Even though things were difficult, a couple of cool things happened in that season. I had a friend, Chris, that I worked with. I finally reached out to him. I shared that I was out there on my own, and I didn’t know where to turn or what to do. Somehow, I ended up with all the debt from my previous marriage. I was in transition in my career and I didn’t have anything to lean on.
Chris told me that he was going to look into something and get back to me. A little while later, he told me that he had reached out to his brother who had a spare bedroom in his home. His brother told me, “Hey, I barely know you, but Chris vouched for you. So, you can come here. It’s free. Whatever you need, I’m here for you.” I knew his brother didn’t know me or owe me anything, and yet he opened up this amazing opportunity. I really saw God work through that kind offer.
Chris and I became really good friends during that time. One day, he said, “Hey, I want you to come to this prayer group with me.” To be honest, after I had left that one hurtful church, I was turned off from those types of things. I explained to Chris why I did not want to go. He shared with me that it was not a church function, rather just a group of people that got together and prayed.
At that time I was single and more interested in going out to party. Attending a prayer group on a Friday night was not on the top of my list of things to do. Long story short, Chris bugged me enough that I finally decided to go.
That night, I was sitting in the prayer group and this lady approached me and asked if she could pray for me. I knew I was in an unstable place emotionally and mentally, so I agreed. I could take all the prayer I could get. Unexpectedly, she said, “I feel like you need a hug from a mother.” I was taken aback. She didn’t know me, my situation, or that I had lost my mom. I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit. As the woman prayed for me and hugged me, I received the comfort that I had needed for so long.
That same night, God told me something. He said, “Hey, you need to stop running around. Stop partying. Stop what you’re doing that’s destructive.” I wrestled with that for a bit because I felt I had done the right things growing up, the things I was supposed to do, and yet my current life circumstances did not seem to line up. God was persistent though. I felt in my spirit that He said, “Just stop. Knock it off.” I finally agreed.
That whole evening was so transformative. I was so thankful for the lady that prayed for me that night and that she said “yes” to what God asked her to do. That night changed the trajectory of my life.
To be continued.
If you enjoyed this post, please consider sharing it with others by hitting the share button. If you are not already a subscriber, consider doing a free or paid subscription so you don’t miss any content and to support my work. Thank you!
Introductory music credits: Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/richard-smithson/high-life License code: 1P5CMORCZQWGGGN7
God Is Always There: Anthony's Faith Journey- Part 1