Hi friends! On today’s episode of Draw Near to Me, we will begin part 2 of Paulette’s faith journey. For those who prefer to read, today’s content is also posted below. I think one of the things that is incredible about Paulette is that she is resilient and keeps her eye on how God has moved throughout her life. Even in sharing her story and the realities of some hardships, she trusts that God will use it for good. I think she sees things in ways that are bigger than herself… to know her is to know someone that leverages much of what she has to help others and love them well. If you enjoy this post, please share it with others using the share button below and consider doing a free or paid subscription. With that, let’s dive into part 2 of Paulette’s story. Enjoy!
By my senior year in high school, our home had become an uncomfortable and tense place to be. My dad had become a functional alcoholic. He went to work day in and day out. However, when he came home, he was drinking. Dad wasn’t typically abusive when he drank. I only saw him strike out at mom one time. For the most part it was more like he was annoying. He would often say things to aggravate my mother.
I stepped in and began redirecting my dad’s attention toward me and away from mom. I had grown up protecting her emotionally and mentally, so it did not seem unnatural. I cannot remember a time in my life that I did not have my mother’s concern before mine. I got pretty savvy at distracting my dad until they went to bed. By that point things would be okay.
Most of the time it worked. My dad had taught me many valuable lessons throughout my life prior to that point. One of them was how to stand up for myself. Even though my father wasn’t perfect, he adored me. I knew that he was less likely to direct sharp words toward me. Although it was hard, I understood that it was the combination of the pain medication and alcohol that was changing him.
One day there was an incident that blew my world apart. Toward the end of my senior year, my dad came after me and tore my room up. I immediately left and hid in a cornfield until I could get to my grandmother’s house to be calmed down. It only happened one time, but it was enough. My dad was a gentle person, but the drugs and alcohol made him unrecognizable. From then on, I never totally trusted him or let my guard down. I treaded very lightly.
It took years but I am happy to report that God reached my dad. Previously, he never wanted to go to church because he thought all they wanted was your money. But I will never forget the day when I saw dad go to church, walk down to the altar, lay his pills down, and cry out to Jesus. I even saw him get baptized. From there, I witnessed God create an amazing attitude change in his life.
Many years later, I was with dad when he died. I miss him to this day. In spite of everything, he was my hero. Sure, there were some things in my childhood I wouldn’t want to do over again, but I always, always, knew I was loved. That was the most important thing. I have no doubt today that my dad is with Jesus.
Nevertheless, that incident my senior year had an impact. I made it my goal to get out of the house. I planned to go to college and leave. However, I was dating this guy and I ended up getting pregnant. When that happened, college went on the backburner. We got married at the age of 17. Shortly after my 18th birthday, I had my oldest son.
After my son was born, I went into a really bad depression and ended up being hospitalized. It felt like a severe darkness surrounded me. I could not function well. My preacher at church, Reverend Rudolph Dickson, came and prayed for me in the hospital. I will never forget it.
As Reverend Dickson was holding my hands and praying, I experienced a sensation that was hard to explain. If I had to describe it, it was something like warm water being poured on the top of my head to the bottom of my feet, or something like being wrapped in a blanket. I could feel it. I felt a new calm and peace wash over me. I was no longer crying or shaking. The next day I was able to go home. I always knew God was with me, but this miraculous healing from my depression was a wonderful reminder of His presence.
My husband and I were married for 15 years and had five precious children together. Even so, the reality was that we were only teenagers when we made that decision. We were so young and trying to do the right thing for our child, but neither of us were truly ready for marriage. We also went through great heartbreak during the years when we lost one of our daughters. She had only lived about 38-40 hours after she was born. All of that led us to a place where my husband and I were friends, but we began to live very separate lives.
My husband was a talented radio announcer and a sports fanatic. The people I hear announcing sports games today can’t touch what his voice was like or the person he was when he did it. He was gifted, but his job was time consuming. He was gone a lot to cover football, basketball, or whatever sport it was that he had to do for his job. Meanwhile, I was very caught up in the school’s PTA, taking care of the kids, and a job I was offered at the school.
I remember when the superintendent of the school first called and offered me a position, I was not looking for a job nor did I even want one. I had all my kids to take care of, so initially I was not interested. However, in the end, I accepted. While my kids were in school, I began splitting my days working at the elementary and junior high schools. Georgia had implemented a new positive reinforcement program for children. The state trained me to fulfill that new position.
The basic idea of the positive reinforcement program was to ignore or gently correct when children were doing something wrong. When they behaved correctly, we would comment, encourage, and praise them to reinforce that behavior. Through the process, I even learned how to better deal with my own children.
Later, I was offered a job at a psychoeducation center nearby. I worked with children that were often one step away from hospitalization or even jail. I learned so much working alongside two psychologists and a minister. I loved it. That experience taught me so much about children and people in general. How to lift them up, remind them where they’re doing well, and how to overcome. It really impacted my life. Looking back, I can see how God was preparing me for something that I never foresaw when I was younger. Even then, He was equipping me for things I needed decades later when I went on mission in Panama.
Although I loved my job, not everything was going smoothly in my life. My husband and I began to realize we had very little in common. We had drifted apart as we were out and about doing our separate things. We had come to a mutual understanding that that was just how our lives worked.
One New Year’s Day, my husband announced he was going to leave. However, by mid-February he had not gone anywhere. I finally told him that we needed to decide. It was time to either get 100% in and get counseling to work on our marriage, or it was time to get 100% out. I could no longer live in limbo. The next weekend he was gone.
Being a single mom was tough. I had to deal with guys out there who knew I was divorced and thought I was easy prey. I was not receiving child support, so I took a 2nd job to make ends meet. I had a hard time making enough money and worried about having enough to feed my kids. Life kind of started falling apart.
I never admitted to myself that I couldn’t do it alone. In fact, I couldn’t bring myself to ask for help. There were times where I entered relationships, which I later wish I hadn’t, just to try to get relief from life. Overall, I kept plugging along the best I could, but things were getting harder and harder. It got to a point where I remember telling myself, “God I can do anything I have to do to feed my children.”
During that time, I met someone and we began dating. He appeared alright as we were getting to know each other. When he asked me to marry him, I agreed. He became my second husband. When we went to the courthouse to say, “I do,” I was not prepared for what happened next. On that very same day, he sat me down and told me, “You can’t…, you don’t…, you won’t…, and you’d better not do x,y. and z.” It was a list of expectations of how I was to behave.
In that moment, I realized too late that something was not quite right.
To be continued.
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Introductory music credits: Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/ben-johnson/woke-me-at-the-break-of-day License code: TVMU879HNBPKNVGF
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