Hi friends! On today’s episode of Draw Near to Me, we will begin the final part of Paulette’s faith journey. For those who prefer to read, today’s content is also posted below. I want to thank Paulette again for sharing her story in such a beautifully transparent and authentic way. It has been an honor and a privilege for me to learn more about how God has worked throughout her life. If you enjoy this post, please share it with others using the share button below. If you are not already a subscriber, consider doing a free or paid subscription so you do not miss any future content. With that, let’s dive into the final part of Paulette’s story. Enjoy!
Our first short term mission trip to Panama left a mark on our hearts. We decided to go back again the next year. During that time, a need began to emerge for someone to step in as a new administrator at the mission site. Jeff and I began discussing whether God was calling us to move down to Panama to help with the mission. We began talking to Gary and Julie, who founded the mission, about what we believed God was placing on our hearts.
We were not sure what God was doing. For us, the timing did not seem the best since Jeffrey was working and our lives were busy. Monetarily it did not make sense for us to go either. Then Jeff surprised me. He was the one who was on top of our budget and fiscally responsible, yet he told me, “I think we need to go, and I think we need to go now.”
It was a big decision, so we took time to pray before committing to anything. We went down to Panama for about a week by ourselves to stay at the mission house and drive around the neighborhood. At one point, we spent three days fasting and praying. Jeff and I did not talk to each other about what was being spoken to us by God until the 4th day. In the end, we had both come to the same place. We were supposed to go to Panama now.
It was easier to think about going years down the road when we retired, but that was not the timing God had in mind. Ultimately, we realized that we were not guaranteed tomorrow nor were we guaranteed 10 years. All we knew was that we were able to do it physically and mentally now.
We began preparing to move to Panama. Jeff moved some things around financially. He even refinanced the house to make things work. We had a big yard sale and sold almost everything to generate money for the trip. Our kids moved into our house to take care of it while we were gone.
Jeff and Gary talked a lot about what they hoped to accomplish down there. Jeff knew what he was going to Panama to do. He did not necessarily know how to do it all logistically, but he knew his purpose. Jeff was stepping in as the new administrator for the mission. I, on the other hand, wasn’t sure what I was supposed to be doing, but I was dog gone sure I wasn’t going to be left behind. All I knew was that I loved the people there, I was willing, and we were supposed to go.
I don’t think we ever intended on being labeled as missionaries. Jeff went down to work with the Panamanian government, on behalf of the mission. He was preparing all the paperwork and everything needed to get approval to open the orphanage. When we arrived, we dove in and took it one day at a time. At first, we were running on instinct of what needed to be done.
Jeffrey was very good at what he did. He was very sharp and was able to set up the paperwork and navigate through obstacles. Of course, we did not do this alone. There were a couple of ladies at the mission that helped us and became like family. Karis was one of them.
Karis was a vital part of working through the challenges of establishing the groundwork for the orphanage. Jeff and I did not know much Spanish, so Karis became our mouthpiece. She knew the country and the people. I know there were times she did not tell the people in the government what we said verbatim, rather she cleaned it up and presented it in a way that was acceptable and well received in their culture. Karis translated everything from English to Spanish for us and gave us a direction on how to maneuver around the system and the people.
People often give Jeff and I credit for our work there, but we truly could not have done it without Karis. She was the glue that held it together. So, I wanted to take this moment to highlight her and give her the praise and credit that she truly deserves. Karis was someone that God placed in our lives to help us accomplish everything we did. We could not have done it without her. Today, we are proud that she remains like a daughter to us.
To take a step back for a moment, a funny thing about being in Panama was a prediction Jeff had made years before. One day we were in our church small group doing a study about knowing God. At that point, we had never been to Panama. In our study, we got to a place where we discussed what God wanted us to do. At that point Jeff said to me, “I know what God’s going to want you to do. He’s going to have you go somewhere and start an orphanage.” I thought he was being ridiculous. Well, never tell God never. We still laugh about that moment to this day. Not only did I go to help start an orphanage, but Jeffrey did too. However, it was not until I arrived in Panama years later that it became evident what role I was supposed to play.
As I previously mentioned, without knowing it, God had equipped me for this moment throughout my years. A critical part of the orphanage paperwork was a detailed description of our program. This meant that we needed an in-depth explanation of how we were going to address the children’s educational and developmental needs at different ages and phases of their lives. Jeffrey did not have any expertise in this area, so he told me that I needed to write it. I freaked out. I said, “Jeffrey, I can’t do this. I don’t know all of this.” He calmly replied, “Yes, you do. Sit down and start writing. You know this. God has you here for this.”
I was terrified, but I got my little trusty computer out and started typing. The government wanted us to lay out how every need was going to be met, to predict every weird thing that could go wrong and explain how to address that possibility. We nicknamed the document that was generated the red book. It had every rule and regulation, how we would enforce them, how people would be trained, and every other guideline and nuance the government could possibly want.
Although I was initially overwhelmed when I began writing, I realized that God had been working over my entire life to equip me for that moment. He helped me overcome this huge task. All the experiences and jobs I had working with children over the years gave me the knowledge necessary to assemble the document. God knew long ago, well before I did, that all those experiences were necessary to help get approval for this orphanage.
During our time in Panama, Jeff and I also became invested in the community and the families we encountered. We invited them into our home, and they reciprocated that invitation into their homes. The relationships we built with the local people were beautiful. Children were always welcome where we were. Each morning, I threw on a pot of rice and beans and we would pray, “God whoever needs us, send them.” God responded to that prayer. They always came to us. If they were hungry, we fed them. If they were sick, we took them to the doctor or gave them medication. If they had a problem, they came to us. While Jeff and I always did what we could, in all of that we reminded them it was not us, it was Jesus. We did everything through love.
There were enduring relationships that were built that we still carry today. One sweet Ngobe boy captured our hearts. Today, he is about to graduate from high school next year. Most Ngobe children do not finish high school, so this is a great accomplishment. We promised to help put him through college. Recently, he reached out to Jeffrey, via Karis, to let him know, “I remember everything you taught me. I remember everything you said to me.” These relationships we hold as some of our greatest accomplishments. Getting the orphanage approved while we were in Panama was just gravy.
Of course, there were things that broke our hearts while we were down there. We saw that when little girls had their first menstrual cycle, they were given to a man. They had no choice in the matter. Many of them would not receive an education because school was not a priority in their community. They were supposed to just have many children to work the field. Learning these things broke Jeff and me.
Yet, there were so many times where we saw God move. One day, a boy we knew had cut himself with a machete. It was severe. We were trying to get him to the hospital, but Jeff and I were terrified. The roads in Panama were windy and there was a dense layer of fog. It was so thick that we could not see the headlights from other cars. The hospital was a ways off and the speed we could drive based on the conditions was too slow. We knew that this little boy was bleeding out in the back seat of the truck.
We did not know what to do. Jeff said, “God, you’ve gotta do something about this fog or this boy is going to die.” Within a matter of 30 seconds, we watched as God did a miracle. The heavy fog lifted just above the cab of the truck. The fog was still there above us, but it was as if God had cut a road of visibility so we could see until we got to the hospital. The little boy ended up living thanks to that miracle.
In Panama we really learned to depend on the Holy Spirit. We didn’t speak the language well, which was an obstacle. Since our desire was to help people, we realized that we had to lean into the Holy Spirit to make things happen. There was so much at stake in every relationship, so learning to follow God’s guidance was critical.
Another important thing I learned was that we are all the same. I knew this in my head, but in Panama I had the incredible opportunity to experience it firsthand. Yes, cultures are different, but people are not. God created each one of us and we all have the same basic needs. Regardless of whether we live in a house made of bamboo and banana leaves, or a mansion, we all deserve dignity and respect. Serve others, respect them, offer them kindness, accept them where they are and love them.
People in Panama saw the essence of who I was. I was valued for just being myself. I found out who I was without having to pretend to be anything else to meet the expectations of what others thought I should look like or be like. I saw that the things that we value, the material things, are not valued in a lot of cultures. I learned people can have absolutely nothing materialistically and there was still joy.
Would I do it again? Tomorrow. I don’t know that my knees could take walking those hills anymore but if God called me, I would go. When it was time for us to leave Panama, I fought it. I was reluctant to go because I felt there was so much left to be done. But God told me very clearly on 3 separate occasions that I had to go. There were things right around the corner in our own future that needed to done with my own family. Even though I did not understand at the time why He wanted us to leave Panama, I am ever grateful that He called me back home when He did.
Despite going to Panama, I never went in with the notion that we were missionaries. Jeff and I went because we knew God called us to go. We knew what He had put on our hearts. While we were there, we did not try to change the culture or the people we met, rather we respected the people, showed them our love for them, and relied on the Holy Spirit to guide us daily. If I think about, if that’s what a missionary does, then I guess we were missionaries.
All my life I always knew God was there. I never doubted that He took care me. I did not ask Him for a lot. I had been raised by my parents to know that if we were able to work and be self-sufficient that was what we did. We did not ask for a handout. My refusal to ask or accept help from others was based on pride, even if I did not recognize it at the time.
I knew God never let me go, but for a very long time I did not seek Him out for help. I knew He was there, but I did not ask Him for anything. But I was wrong. I was really wrong. I think about all the fatigue, mental anguish, depression, and anxiety that could have been avoided throughout my life if I had only asked God for counsel. I was my own worst enemy for many years thinking that I was trying to be independent.
I want to end with something I hope to really convey to others. Be dependent on God. I don’t care if you are a baby Christian or if you have known God forever, don’t make any major decision without consulting the Holy Spirit first. It is not enough to just know that He is there. When you are in trouble, when you are ill, when you are heart sick, when you are confused, or when you don’t have any money, seek Him out for wisdom and knowledge. I believe God is a gentleman. He will look out for us, but He is not going to force anything on us if we are not ready to accept it. Over the years, I have truly learned to seek God out and to hear His voice, and that has made all the difference.
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God Never Let Go- Paulette's Faith Journey- Part 6