Hi friends! On today’s episode of Draw Near to Me, we will begin part 5 of Paulette’s faith journey. For those who prefer to read, today’s content is also posted below. Today reminds me of the importance of the people we are surrounded by. The communities we are placed in can have major ripple effects in our lives. I also love how we begin to see God positioning Paulette even more as He gets closer to asking her and Jeff to take an even larger step of faith. If you enjoy this post, please share it with at least one other person using the share button below. If you are not already a subscriber, consider doing a free or paid subscription so you do not miss any future content. With that, let’s dive into part 5 of Paulette’s story. Enjoy!
Jeffrey and I got married while we were in Puerto Rico. When we came back to the United States, we moved around a lot. Jeff was stationed in many different cities with the Coast Guard and we bounced around to places like San Diego, Miami, and New Orleans. By the time we moved back to Florida again I was tired of leaving people behind. I had left too many already. I had moved around so much of my life; from the time I was a child. I had enough.
I decided I was not going to make any more new friends. In my mind, I planned on going through the next two years in Florida without getting involved in anything. During that time Jeffrey was gone a lot with the Coast Guard and I started working at a Baptist preschool. However, I did not go to church much or do anything socially. Life was busy but I avoided creating any friendships that I had to leave in the future. I did not want to get attached to anyone or anything, not even a church, until we were truly settled somewhere.
I thought my plan to avoid the heartache of leaving friends behind was going to work, but then Jeffrey received a two-year extension at his station. After that came another two years. Finally, he was given the option to retire at that location. It was at that point that I realized that it was time for me to begin forming friendships and finding a church.
Jeff and I began the process of building a house near some marshlands that I loved. It was going to be a big house that had room for all the kids and my mother. I was very excited. Then one day Jeff came home and said he had canceled the building on the house. I was taken aback. I recognized that his decision was probably led by Holy Spirit, but the Holy Spirit and I were not on the same page.
I was really disappointed, but we started looking for another house. Our current home was crowded, and I did not like living in the woods. I still wanted to move. Jeffrey showed me a house he found near the beach. I loved the property but hated the house itself. We went from the idea of moving into a new home to living in an old home. It felt like part of my joy was stolen. In the end, we bought the house at the beach. That decision likely changed the trajectory of many things in our lives. It put us in close proximity to a church community that challenged us in new ways. Looking back, we both recognize that God was working for us even then when we did not know the future.
When Jeffrey was home, he attended Beach church. I started going with him, got involved in the church and fell in love with it. We joined an amazing disciple group that became like family and developed our community. We led financial classes there and I worked for the preschool at the church. It became our extended family. We were blessed to be there. I was finally into a routine and feeling planted, which was a welcome experience.
We started attending the 11:22AM service at our church that was preached by Joby. He reminded me of my favorite minister from back in the day. He was straight from the Bible. Didn’t pretty it up. Didn’t change it. He just told you what it was. I was hooked.
One of the first things I heard Joby say was, “If you’re going to be a part of this movement, you’ve gotta go on a mission trip.” Jeffrey and I had never considered a mission trip. It was not on our radar at all. We began looking through the list of places to go and ultimately decided on joining a mission trip heading out to Panama in a few months.
Two weeks before we were supposed to go on short-term mission, Jeffrey and I went on a cruise with his parents. His mom was in the early stages of Alzheimer’s, so we wanted to do something for his parents while she was in good mental health. A couple of days before the cruise, my mom’s health began to decline. She had been in and out of hospice but bounced back each time. I was very torn about whether or not to go on the trip. Jeffrey had stood by me through so many hardships in life without expectations or demands, and I wanted to do something for him. I really could not decide. Finally, the hospice nurse reminded me that my mom always rallied and encouraged me to go. So, I went.
On the second day of our cruise, my phone was inundated with messages from family and hospice. Although I was able to talk to my mom on the phone, she died later that day. I was plagued with a guilt that lasted for years.
During the rest of the cruise, I began making arrangements for my mom’s funeral. We arrived home on Sunday afternoon, and the funeral was the next day. Although I was grieving the loss of my mom, I still had another decision to make. On Thursday, we were supposed to leave for Panama. It was only a few days away. I was extremely conflicted about going.
I knew Jeffrey wanted me to go, but he never pushed me. I talked to Carrie, who oversaw missions at the church. She understood if I did not want to go anymore. Then she told me something that made me reconsider. Carrie said, “If you do decide to go, I can promise you that you won’t be loved anymore or any better than with the people on this trip.”
I prayed about it and decided to go. I did not think about it at the time, but my mother’s mission work for years was to support missionaries. Although she never met them in person, or went on a mission trip herself, she would faithfully write to the missionaries on a weekly basis. Additionally, the short-term mission trip to Panama was focused on building an orphanage. For part of her life, mom had been raised in an orphanage herself. In more than one way, the mission trip reflected pieces of my mom that were honored.
Panama was a powerful trip. When I first walked into the building that we were going to finish constructing, there was no doubt in my mind that the Holy Spirit already lived there. He was waiting for us. In that same place, I could almost feel my mother. I realized that if I was gonna go anywhere and do anything, that mission was where she would have wanted me to put my heart, my money, and my everything into. While I was there, I didn’t forget about my mom, rather I always felt like she was there urging me on.
It was a very interesting week. Since we were the first team to go down to Panama, we had no preconceived expectations or notions about anything. It was our first experience meeting the indigenous people, the Ngobes. There was an immediate love I felt for their people. Initially, the Ngobe women were so timid that they did not come to the mission house. They only came near the fence but stood at a distance. There was no exchange at all.
To form relationships with the Ngobes, we went down to their house, which we called the village because so many kids lived there. The women didn’t smile a lot. It was heartbreaking to see the pathetic living conditions these families lived in. It was hard to wrap my brain around. The children, however, were happy. They were playing and didn’t care that they had worms in their bellies, runny noses, and no pants. The first time they put one of those babies in my arms, I wasn’t going anywhere. I just fell in love with them.
Finally, one of the Ngobe ladies did come and visit with us. Of course, it was difficult because she spoke no English and we did not speak the indigenous language, but we managed. She was maybe 20 or 21 and had 3 children. Our relationships with the people just grew from there.
We were going out into the schools and into the community to help where we could. For me, it always went back to the children. My focus was their need for care and love. My heart was for the children and their mothers. It was not just my heart though; I could see Jeffrey’s heart softening toward these kids as well.
We were there for about a week. As Carrie had predicted, it was great fellowship. That mission trip was one of the best things I ever did. I knew that my mother would have been very proud of me for going. The day we left; I was one of the last ones to walk out the door to get on the bus. Somewhere I knew that Jeffrey and I were not done in Panama. I had a desire to somehow take care of these children. That was in 2011 and God was setting the stage for us to take an even bigger leap of faith.
To be continued.
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